Tattoo

Early Thursday morning I entered through the hospital's automatic sliding doors, feeling a rush of air, and smelling the whelming stench of fading hope as I did. With false determination I propelled myself foreward, sure that everyone could see my crumbling resolve. I felt pretty much like everyone does when confronted with something potentially painful...chin up, forehead relaxed, grit your teeth, and for God's sake, don't think!

Having been told he didn't look well, I prepared myself for the worst. What is the worst? Being pretty sure that dead is the worst one can look, I kept walking and conjured up a picture in my mind. Sallow skin with hints of milky white. A dead right arm hanging listlessly, and a left leg that didn't exist at all. The inability to see out of his left eye, and a voice so far removed from life that it left me grasping for syllables. There would be a familiar longing for death in the eye that could still betray him. A look he thought he was hiding in order to fulfill his fatherly obligation to protect. All these things I remembered from hospital visits past.

What is the best I could have achieved from this visit? I could have told him his family was successful, making it easier for him to let go. I could have smiled and told him he was loved.

I made jokes. I told him instead that all of his children had made failures of themselves just to keep him around. I reminded him that I was the most well-off of the siblings having made a whopping 17 grand last year. With a tear gliding down my cheek, I told him that he would be with us for at least fifteen more years. He had to. How could mom get on without him.

Trying to hold my hand, he told me he loved me very much. He said my body is a temple of God, and that it should never be marked. How else would he be able to find me in the next life? With a mischevious smile I said, "Too late!" He smirked and then faltered, "You better not, boy! I raised you better'n that!" We both laughed until he closed his eyes.

Is it better to disappoint, or lie? I really do have a tattoo. I hope he finds me.

Maelstrom

i lie here
floating
surrounded by clear cool water
white all around me

confused
wondering

above me a full moon
eclipses a black hole
from whence i came

beneath me a path
my way out?
i hold my breath

and allow myself to sink
realising the inevitability
of the future
and the futility of struggle

i let the current take me where it will.

Cats!2

I
am
finished
with the
National
Tour of
Cats!

It was an amazing ride! More to come.....

Cats!

Well, I just auditioned for the national tour of Cats! I got called back for Gus/Growltiger! I'm not a very good auditioner, and I am terrified to actually go through the process of auditioning! I don't know what it is, but I am fine as soon as I am getting a paycheck! Anyway, I have a wonderful friend who decided to go with me. She knows me too well, and knew that I would say I had auditioned, and say that I had not been cast (having not even gone to the audition)! She made me go, and it seems that this was a good thing. After I almost threw up, and needed a bag to breathe into, it was worth it. Now on to round two! Who knows. I might not even have a role to audition for. This years tour is offered to stay on for another year. If the current Gus wants to tour again, then I am up shit's creek without a paddle. At least they have me on file! I have to go back in on May 7. I think I'm gonna puke.

Rain, rain...Here to Stay! I tripped over boobs and the dog went away!

Well, it's raining. Just ordered in, and am feeling guilty about forcing a delivery person to trudge through this deluge. What's worse is that I ordered from my place of employment. This means that I will undoubtedly know the delivery boy! This is why my roomie is currently putting on her bra. I informed her that she simply must go to the door for me. Thank god! I've tripped over them no less than twice. I mean, good god! I thought I was getting a roommate. Not three! I suppose I should allow for the worlds fluffiest pillows, because her dog has been missing for a week now. I think the dog is stuck under them due to the whimpers that I can hear only occasionally. One would think that the dog would need to eat, but I'm also missing last nights chinese take out! I'm not saying that she hid the take out in her boobs, but I swear that I caught a glimps of a chop stick sticking out from underneath the left one! By the way...my roommate is reading this over my shoulder, and giggling. She knows that I am kidding! I only tripped once!

What really grinds my gears!

If you love family guy, you will get the title. If not, please do yourself a favor and start enjoying the hilarity.
This is my first blog...ever. I've never even read them before! Here's to new things in life!
What grinds my gears? Buying new computers. I bought this lovely bit of technology on Saturday. It is now Thursday, and I have just, for the first time signed on to the internet. Talk about frustrating! But, I'm not going to use this public forum to merely bitch about my life. I'll probably use it to bitch about others' lives.
By the way, ems kenfur is a lovely phrase I picked up from a beautiful Ethiopian woman with whom I have the pleasure of working!
Until next time...